January 25, 2004 by kastorff.

Some people are amazing in their willingness to judge others. Many times they don’t see themselves very clearly, yet believe they are empowered with amazing clarity when it comes to measuring others. They wear virtual blinders that enable them to see only what they want to see, and declare everything else as inapplicable to their current view. It’s a wonderful luxury to have, one that I acknowledge would be truly paradise. Unfortunately these virtual blinders are just a mask for what is really a true blindness, an inability to measure the big picture. And most importantly, these virtual blinders have no mirrors…no way to see themselves as others see them. It is so powerful to be so sure of one’s self, so convinced in one’s rightness that everything that challenges that rightness fades away into non-existence. I understand the appeal. I wish my mind would let me lie to it so completely. I keep myself from looking at some parts of myself too closely, too often, because I am either unable or unprepared to deal with my shortcomings. But thank God I do see them.

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January 10, 2004 by kastorff.

My old partner is now unwelcome in the office of the company we started together. He had the vision, drive, and moxie. I executed the vision and made it real. He was a liar, and one of the most unprincipled people I ever knew. I sacrificed some part of myself just to stay, but the company was my baby and I put it ahead of my dislike of him. It cost me, but enabled us to succeed. He was able to sense talent, and convince nearly anyone to come join us. We had some incredible folks working for us. He eventually found me threatening, since I was generally admired for my honestly and abilities, while he was mostly disliked and mistrusted. He was crucial to our success, but it was a bit like sleeping with a demon. Eventually the cost was greater than the benefit. I left as soon as I was sure my company would survive without me.

It was a given that if the company ever went public, no board of directors would tolerate him. He had to promise a public company to everyone, and make sure it never happened. You can only burn so many bridges. Eventually you find yourself on an island, alone. Now the company is being acquired by another, and he is out…forced out of the company he started…facing the music. I wish I had more sympathy…

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